The new Rahul Dravid??

It is in the midst of great celebration that I write this blog, Newcastle CC has just had it’s first clean sweep weekend of the season with 1’s, 2’s and 3’s all winning. Contributions were wide and varied but 16 year old Jack ‘Asbo’ Sinclair deserves a mention for his 75* for 2’s on Sat and 77 for 3’s on Sun. Of course the Legend Alan Docherty ruined Sunday’s match by ripping the heart out of the Sunderland top order with a devastating spell of 4-29. 

However, I decided to write this week on other events that are happening at the club in a vain attempt to share some ideas with other clubs about how best to increase commercial revenues & make some extra cash. (After an extremely hazy conversation with Messrs Browning & Logan in which I was told this sort of thing was what the LCA was about.) Our club is based in the suburb of Jesmond, a relatively affluent area of Newcastle populated by unbelievably posh students and wealthy solicitors. This has 3 effects on the club immediately. 

1. We have no consistent residential base from which to attract cricketers (few players actually live in Jesmond)
2. Loads of filthy students turn up in April looking for a game and then do one in June
3.  We have to remarket the bar and club to a new market every September. 

This week we had our best ever day’s takings. The brainchild was to put the two feral tribes of local students against each other at our ground in a T20 format. And so, Northumbria Uni vs Newcastle Uni was played on Thursday. This kills a lot of those birds mentioned above with one proverbially massive stone. There were approx 1000 people in the ground (all paid a £1 entry), which means we have marketed the bar to the students in the area for this and next year. Furthermore, it meant that the 2 bars we had open took about 3 weeks takings in 3 hours. It also gave the local student cricketers the opportunity to experience the excellent facilities first hand, with a view to yours truly trying to persuade them to commit for the full season next term and improve our playing squad. Cost to the club? Zero, apart from providing two portly umpires who were happy to get involved such was the talent on display, (I’m not talking about on the pitch.) As temperatures in the Land of the Righteous skyrocketed to like 23C, the heatwave caused all manner of flesh to be on display – some very nice, some (in the case of 3 male streakers) not so nice. All in all, this was an excellent week for the club, revenues are up with 3 wins following on from last weekend’s double destruction of National Champs South Northumberland (sorry @cricketbadge) and winning draw against league champs Chester le St. What I would love to know is whether any other clubs have similar problems/opportunities and how they overcome them?

As for my own personal mighty troops, things are not progressing quite so smoothly, despite Saturdays win. We are however comfortably ensconced in mid table, but our bowling attack is severely mis firing. We do have 2 batters in the top 5 of the averages, but my vice captain & Consigliere Alex Nicholson (@alnicho) is not amongst them. The opening bat has had a torrid start to the season, with the infamous ‘Tattoo’ bet playing heavily on his mind. (The ‘Tattoo’ bet means that Alex must get a tattoo saying ‘Phil is great’ on himself should he not pass 400 league runs. Should he pass 800, I must get ‘Alex is great’ on me. Suffice it to say my body shall remain a blank canvas for the foreseeable future at this rate.) This bet was constructed during a fairly heavy drinking session and the concern is it is becoming counter productive.

For me personally, due to my ongoing knee injury I have reinvented myself as a number 6/7 batter and specialist captain, with a sideline in catching RPG’s at mid wicket. This is the future. None of this bowling nonsense. Batters have it easy. And if you bat first, nowt to do second innings so the tea table can be destroyed. As far as I can tell this all win win. Returns have been encouraging. Against SNCC I got 10 and was going well before smashing a flick to leg gully (LEG GULLY!!?) which would have killed the lad had he not caught it. On Monday I tooled 40 against Chester le Street, who at one point set a field to contain me which included 3 extra covers, a deep cover and a long off. The wagon wheel of my innings looks like a thick light sabre arrowing through the extra cover area to the boundary, indeed 30 of my runs came between mid off and cover. May have to expand my shot range if I am to succeed in this batting lark.

All in all, things going well for us (if not for me.) Developments last week included the meeting of our new physio, who has been engaged to help with my injury and the groin problem of our overseas player Ben Langrope. She. Is. Gorgeous. I’m off for my massage tonight, can’t wait! Benji is somewhat concerned though, he left a girl in NZ and has had no contact from the female species for 2 months. Whilst the thought of having his groin massaged is delighting him in some respects he is terrified that he gets one to ‘rise from a good length’ in her presence. I will of course keep all readers updated on any movements, off the pitch or otherwise.

Follow Phil @lovetheturret