You know who you are!!!

What. A. Week. Last Monday the Northumberland Nomads decamped on their 52nd annual excursion to Scarborough and East Yorkshire, where those assembled attempt to play cricket (standard declines throughout the week), drink beer (consumption increases over the week) and attempt nocturnal mating practice with local ‘females’, (standard DEFINITELY declines throughout the week.) Upon arrival at Hornsea for our first match it was raining and we were told no cricket could be played that day. Nightmare. This means a massively early start on the gas. A crisis committee was formed immediately that led all players to a local pitch and putt to idle away a couple of hours and delay Armageddon. The Nomads Invitational was won at a canter by Ben Langrope, with some challenge coming from bandit Paul Leonard. A night out in Scarborough then commenced, my memory of events is slightly hazy but I definitely recall James Carr chatting up a lesbian.

So, to Tuesday. Nomads awoke to see the East Yorkshire coastline bathed in sunshine and following a hearty hotel breakfast set off to Bridlington to contest the Jim Wood Memorial Shield. After your correspondent had liberated £50 from the stupid darts players of Felling CC in the pre match pub, we arrived at Bridlington and I as skipper informed the opposition that the Nomads would be batting. Alan Robson and Jonny Richardson were sent out in Operation Human Shield to check out the opposition firepower. They failed in their mission and the Nomads lurched to 48-4. Overseas players Ben Langrope (100 ret) and Matt Caddy (70) then went to work resurrecting the innings before Caddy succumbed to terminal fatigue. Some late lusty order hitting meant the Nomads finished 285-7 off 40 overs. The Bridlington reply began well with Paul Leonard and Alan Docherty unable to make a breakthrough in their respective spells. Brid suffered a setback when confused by a classic piece of Nomadic trickery. There looked to be little danger for the batsman when he took an easy one to a demonstrably dead man at mid off in Anthony Trotter. However, like a cobra waiting to strike Trotter sprang to life to run the foolish young man out by several yards. There was then a partnership that threatened Nomad supremacy and caused the Skipper to begin to wonder potential fineage for failure to defend 285. Not to worry – that’s what we have pros for. Langrope was brought back in to the attack and despite nearly being killed by cover fielder first ball was able to break the partnership. Game over. Caddy entered the attack and struck with the flipper immediately, and bowled a highlights reel of a spell of (5-0-41-4) that lost 3 cricket balls. Nomads win by 45 runs.

Wednesdays flagship fixture against Scarborough was called off due to ‘atmospheric conditions’ (it looked like it might rain) so the Nomads sat in the Angel pub all day and watched the rain not fall whilst drinking shedloads of booze and commenting on the brittle nature of India’s batting. Messrs Caddy (115) and Jon Dawson (109) managed to get the 2^nd and 3^rd century’s on Tour, regrettably however these were achieved at South Cliff Golf Club. Heavy rain on Thursday but paid to any hope of cricket on Thursday or Friday (back to the Angel) and meant that the Tour dinner was an extremely messy affair, despite the best efforts of a non drinking Neil Corby. 

At the weekend Turret CC enjoyed mixed fortunes, with the 1’s losing to heavily to league superpower Chester le Street whilst the 2’s gained a battling draw in games delayed due to overnight rain. That either side got played was a testament to the groundsmen involved, and huge credit must be given to them for producing any kind of playable wicket in the conditions.

On Sunday a strong 2^nd XI entertained South Shields in the final of the League Cup. Shields batted first and were kept down to 185, with Hudson bagging 5-45 off his 9 with fine support from Howarth and Brown. At one point Shields were 70-5 and a lower total looked on the cards, but some responsible batting coupled with some indifferent fielding (5 dropped catches) allowed them to escape, as well as Hirsty bowling a penultimate over that went for 22 . At drinks in the second innings we were 90-1 off 23 overs, making serene progress. A spectacular batting collapse ensued (brought about by some excellent bowling from Nichols) left us all out for 151, and me heartbroken. The old adage that ‘catches win matches’ had never been truer, and whilst it is frustrating not to win from several positions of dominance, one must congratulate Shields for hanging in there and fighting till the end, emerging worthy winners. 

As you can imagine, I was really delighted then to have to play Shields again the very next day (last night.) In a 16 over match, a vengeful Turret smoked 151-1 with Will Allen (65), including striking a pensioner with 6 out of the ground) and a returning James Carr (65*) contributors in chief. The Shields innings got off to a flyer but at no point were they ahead of the curve and Hirst (4-19) and Hudson (3-16) soon put the skids on sufficiently that Matt Caddy was offered the chance to bowl but bottled the last over with 37 required for victory. Opportunity to impress the Skipper…. Gone.

Personally a pretty satisfying few games , a combined analysis of 17-1-87-10 for myself, despite (a record) 6 dropped catches and a missed stumping. Leg spinners aren’t meant to worry about economy rates anyway. However, it is clear that we will have to execute the basics a lot better if we are to grab some silverware from next weeks T20 Finals Day, or from the other 2 cups we are still in. 

This weekend, I did also receive a cry off that has to be nominated as one of the best/worst ever, (depending on our viewpoint.) Approximately an hour to the start of the cup final, I received a phone call telling me that one of my players could not play.  (Normally these come from mothers/wives/girlfriends etc.) What made this unusual is that it came from the Custody Sergeant at Wallsend Police Station, where said player had been detained overnight. I initially thought ‘wind up’ but when player was put on the phone to me (I was his one phone call – brilliant) it became clear he would miss the game. Fortunately I acted decisively (hallmark of great leadership) to bring a fine replacement (scored 0 and dropped a catch off me). Still, I am yet to hear a better excuse for not playing cricket EVER. The player in question has been known to be a Rowdy character from time to time, but by all accounts this incident represents a gross miscarriage of justice. The Newcastle CC lawyers are looking into suing Northumberland Constabulary for wrongful arrest, and seeking to claim damages to the club caused by our lack of Cup triumph (approximately £100, and 12 ropey looking medals. Total value £90.)

As mentioned it is the 2^nd XI T20 on Sunday, and I have just been asked to provide music for player entrances. I would welcome suggestions for myself or any of my players. At least we know one will be Jailhouse Rock by Elvis Presley….

All the best,

PH

Follow Phil @lovetheturret